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Father. Sales & Marketing Executive. Blogger. Traveler. Wine Enthusiast. 'Nole for Life. 40 with "Benes" brand is a mindset and belief that, like a fine wine, you get better with age. Experience, wisdom, and knowledge allow you to have real, raw, authentic takes on life and business.

My Father’s Shadow

Shock. Disbelief. Uncontrollable emotions. The heaviest of hearts. An intense grief so foreign its indescribable. An utter struggle to understand the loss of my father.

It’s been 24 hours since I got that call from my Mom. The one you dread. The one that you’ll never forget. It has a “where were you” element to it no different than 9-11 or John F. Kennedy’s assassination. January 12, 2013 at 8:43 PM.

I’ve received an outpour of condolences, thoughts, and prayers from family and friends. I am truly blessed to have so many people that sincerely care about our family. Many messages were heartfelt words of encouragement. Some focused on how this blog inspires them or makes them think differently about life and business. In my darkest hour, I am slipping from author to subscriber looking for answers, support, and inspiration. The roles are reversed and I can’t get my head around it. 

fathers shadow singeWhen a man loses his father the reality that life is finite and that he too will someday die becomes inescapable. You instantly become vulnerable. You respect immortality. You realize there is no Superman cape, there is no phone booth. Memories start flooding into your mind. As part of the grieving process you focus on analyzing your relationship. You start to define your father’s legacy.    

The long shadow of your father may be gone, but it’s never forgotten. All a son desires for is his father’s approval and to be told “good job.” There are a myriad of questions racing through my head today. Was he proud of me? Was I the type of man he envisioned all of those years while raising me? Did he approve of me as man, husband, father, and leader?”

Once you stop questioning everything the fog lifts and you begin to see clearly. My father believed in me. He supported me. All he ever wanted was the best for me. He loved me…unconditionally.

I know he would want me to be strong for my Mom and my family. He would want me to continue my passions and pursuits. He would want me to continue to strive for greatness. He would want me to leave the comfort of his shadow and extend my own with my son and daughters. So tonight, I take the first step. He will continue to inspire, challenge, and motivate me for I know he will always be with me.

A good friend shared a well-timed scripture tonight that put everything in perspective for me ~ “I will never leave you. I will never forsake you.” ~ Hebrews 13:5

Good night, Dad. I love you and miss you dearly.      

Dad 1

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5 Comments on “My Father’s Shadow”

  1. Mark 01/14/2013 at 5:51 AM #

    So sorry for your loss. I can guarantee he would be proud of all you have done and have become.

  2. T 01/15/2013 at 5:16 PM #

    Kevin, my heart goes out to you in your grief. I know the experience you speak, never forgetting that exact moment. 😥 I read a caption just today that I believe to be true when you’ve been profoundly touched by the love of a wonderful father. It read: a father is a son’s first hero and a daughter’s first love. Prayers to you and your family.

  3. Anonymous 01/18/2013 at 8:42 AM #

    Kevin, I was very sorry to hear about the loss of your father. As someone who recevied that “dreaded, unexpected call” from my mother thirteen years ago this month, I know exactly how you feel. My father died suddenly as well. I never knew your father, but I do know you. Believe me, he’s proud. It’s going to be tough for a while, but you’ll get through it. If you ever want to talk, feel free to call me. Praying for you and your family.

    Reggie

  4. Ryan Blasko 02/15/2013 at 8:40 AM #

    Kevin,

    I’ve always enjoyed reading your blog, whether on this site or through LinkedIn. You’re not only a gifted businessman, but a fine writer as well. They say the best gift a parent can give is to make a difference in the life of their children. It’s obvious your father had that impact on you, same as you will have on your children. This life is a battle, day and and day out. Enjoy it and find inspiration in scripture and quotes. Here is one of my favorites from the movie “The Grey”. It’s serves as a constant reminder to always be fighting and competing for what you want in life. Family, friends and business success. God Bless.

    Once more into the fray.
    Into the last good fight I’ll ever know.
    Live and die on this day.
    Live and die on this day.

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